Dating For Single Parents

Totally know what you’re saying, I’m looking for the same type of thing.

of course, tell him that plainly and truthfully. just like you did here, he may be relieved.

Sounds like you want someone to love you and cherish you. Since you love your child, any man who falls in love with you will naturally fall in love with your child as well. He will begin to care for your child like a niece or nephew.

So, I know this may disappoint you, but the answer is “no”. There is no middle ground. If you want that deep connection with him, he will naturally begin to act step-dad-ish to your kids. If fact, if he does not, that’s a strong warning sign to avoid the guy. It means he’s faking his love for you.

Good luck.

I don’t think most men would even want to play step dad if they are just dating you. You need to communicate to the men you date, and be honest with your intentions, less confusing for everyone then.

uuum no, guys are logical creatures… we don’t invest unless we get a return… there ar two possible returns, sex or relationship. If you in a relationship with a single mother you accept the fatehr role, if you’re n it for teh sex, well then you’re just a fkbuddy… I don’t see the grey area in between here…

I am going through the same thing. I told my boyfriend that I do not want him to feel like he has to step up to anything but a friend to my daughter. I have also told her to treat him not as a “Dad” but as a friend also. It seems to be working for everyone so far. We have been dating for a little over a month. Just be aware, that over a period of time, the step father thing will happen, the guy you are dating will be a father figure. Your children will look up to him the closer they get.

What you described is what everyone wants to have, however if you find that man you are looking for there has to be a relationship with your children, it may not be the role of “father” but they will have to play the role of some type of authority figure. If your new man is to be hands off on raising your children they will totally disrespect him and your relationship would be ruined anyway. I do feel you can find someone to love both you and your children, so don’t give up and good luck.

Just tell them that. I feel the same way you do being a single parent myself. If the father is in the picture you don’t need that. We single moms need something of our own. I’d say be up front when you start dating someone.

I’m currently hoping to become that guy your talking about, with a single parent friend of mine. In my case i can’t see it happening but if it helps here it is from my point of view as that guy.

I would never expect to take over as a step-father as i understand that they do have a dad, not only that i’d respect her wishes. HOWEVER, loving her in my case gives me an automatic love for her children, and i wouldn’t want to be kept completely separate from them. You can have a relationship with a good guy who will respect your boundaries, but if they really care about you it would be naturall for them to want to at least form some kind of friendship with your children

Your kids come first. Don’t let any man sleep in your home while your children are there. It’s time to be unselfish. You can have a relationship, but your kids need not be a part of that. Leave them out of it. Go on dates. Go have sex if you want, but your children come first. You cannot let your desires for a man effect your relationship with your children.

This is coming from experience of a split family home & a step mom…

If your kids are truly part of your life and you want someone else to be part of it, then you have to be willing to allow someone in…

Having a “step father” doesn’t make their father doesn’t exist or any less of a man… Maybe this person will give you support and ideas that may enrich your lives with you and your children…

When I first moved in with my husband, both him and his ex “made it clear” where I stood with my step daughter (age 2 at the time)… I resented them, but at the same time I understood… As the years went by I became good friends with his ex and still stayed “in my place” where parenting was concerned… Even though I had some opinions and knowledge, I kept it to myself… After a while, I got pregnant and all of a sudden his ex needed us to take custody (for reasons to long to go into) of my step daughter (age 5) and they start asking for help because the child needed influences outside of theirs… My step daughter is now 11 almost 12 and we are just now starting to bond, and i’m helping her find the courage come out of her shell some… I still, because of conditioning or attitude “step aside” a lot.. and it has caused more problems with me and my husband that you can imagine… Resentments I have with him… anger…

I NEVER wanted to become her mother, but I did want to be part of her life… because she is a wonderful child and I love her… and any decent man in your life will feel the same…

If you don’t want them part of your kids lives, then don’t make him part of the deeper part of your life… It isn’t fair to him… Besides, imagine your ex gets involved with someone… is he going to keep her out of the “step-mom” role? I’m betting no… Its not as scary or horrible as you think… and you can work it out with your boyfriend to not push to hard at once and maybe just let him be friends with your kids to start with….

Its not easy, I know… but I hope you figure it out and it works out for the best for you…

I think it would be kinda difficult to share your life with a guy while excluding your kids. If you had joint custody and didn’t have your kids living with you all the time I could see that happening.

But, honestly can you really be able to share yourself with someone fully but keep them away from your kids? Like it or not your kids will always be a part of you.

I couldn’t see myself not being somewhat in a single mothers kids life cause after all they are part of your family, a part of you, just like in-laws. From my perspective I can see where your coming from cause it’s kinda similar to the interaction with other family members of your spouse. Your acquainted, but your not really close to them. I guess whoever you date could be just a friend, like in the movie, Big Daddy.

I think that if you were up front with whoever you date, that you let them know so that they know what to expect and get used the idea that you don’t want them to feel obligated in being a father to your kids.

first of all …….after u been seeing this guy for so long it should not have been a problem to let him into ur children lives also. if he loves u, let him love u and ur children. u come with a extra special package and he knew this before u got into a relationship. this does not mean that he has to take care of ur kids or take on that role, however, he should show them attention and affection also. if he is a good man with a good heart, he will do for them anyway cause its in his nature. dont feel that if u get into a relationship that ur putten ur kids on the new man cause ur not. they have a father to take care of them and someone else who thinks they and their mother is special also

This is something that has to be up front. Now I am not talking about first date kind of up front but the moment you think you are getting to the point where you intend to see a guy more than once and want to have a committed non committed relationship (all the romance and non of the marriage) it becomes time to sit him down and prepare him for what is to come. Make it clear that your kids have a father and that you arent looking for a second father for them. Tell him everything you do want and what you dont want and that should be the key. In most cases (the above with the screamer) that will be such a relief to most guys that the rest should come easy. Also find out what he expects as well. Cause if someone is coming into your home and seeing your kids on a daily basis he may have some expectations. While he isnt their father there should be a conversation between the two of you as to what he can reasonably expect to happen if he asks the kids to do (or not do) something. Please dont eat in my car, please dont touch this or that, whatever it is. Discussion before hand keeps problems from arising afterward

RIDE THE MONKEY !